Vampire Survivors - A Mindless Enterprise
Vampire Survivors is the new indie craze over on the Steam marketplace. But is it good? Definitely yes, and most assuredly no.
Steam is a digital marketplace and gaming service for PC—simply download the client, then peruse a vast library of PC games for purchase and play. Fans of physical media still scoff at this “own the license, not the title” philosophy that comprises Steam’s entire distribution model, but millions of others obviously don’t mind, enjoying the huge selection, the constant bargains, and the easy, universal account access that the service affords.
Oh, and Steam’s also an indie-lover’s dream. More than even the Nintendo Switch or Sony PS4 marketplaces, independent games swamp the Steam shop, often appearing there first…and sometimes remaining as exclusives. And right now, the most popular indie amongst the glut is Vampire Survivors, a simple $2.99 game that everyone can’t stop talking about. So, after hearing about how great this little independent gem is, I gave up my three dollars and downloaded a copy.
The game is very simple. Almost to the point of, well, pointlessness. The player chooses a little warrior from four different classes and moves him, slowwwly, across a wide map covered in tiny enemies. These foes are always approaching, trying to surround, trap, and overwhelm the warrior in one globby, ever-encroaching mob. And ultimately, they always succeed; the player will inevitably die every time, with the only goal, I suppose, being to remain alive longer the next time around (each game is timed, time-trial style).
Also odd, attacking is completely automatic. The player controls the avatar, but nothing more—the computer handles the weapon and magic casting. These projectiles fling in different directions, felling foes for the experience points needed to open new selectable attacks and abilities. Eventually, should he live long and level-up enough, the warrior becomes akin to a walking sprinkler head of death as weapons plume from his stickly, pixelly form. But, death will still ultimately prevail; all those fantastic accoutrements will be lost, and the cycle will repeat. Probably endlessly, like the doomed Sisyphus pushing up his boulder for eternity.
It’s addictive for what it is…takes virtually no skill or mastery of mechanics…is a stodgy time waster that somehow manages to compel…is a contrived conveyor of repeated, endless attempts with no obvious end goal.
In other words, pointlessly brilliant.
And I hate it.—D
